No Arguments Here

From 24 hours a day, Nov. 12: " It is not theological arguments that solve the problems of the questing soul, but the sincere cry of that questing soul to G-d for strength, and the certainty of that soul that the cry will be heard and answered".


I guess this is talking about faith and trust, those two words again. I will only cry out because I know that my cry will be heard. It's kind of like that saying "there are no atheists in foxholes". When push comes to shove the real test is whether or not we believe. I really think that the soul knows- just knows of its connection with G-d. All the intellectual arguments, and justifying and rationalizing that some people do, just to allow themselves permission to do as they wish- cannot stand up to how they feel way down deep inside.

Well, I guess I shouldn't talk about others, and can only really speak for myself.



My time to talk to G-d is usually just when I wake up or right before I sleep. Sometimes, also, while I am driving- instead of the cell phone, or the radio or a cd- or some other sort of distraction- connection- I choose instead to take that "alone time" for a one-on- one talk with my HP. I like to tell Him what's going on in my life (as if He didn't know!) from my own perspective. I like to tell Him of my troubles, and ask for help in solving them.

I know that this isn't like a shopping list, where I "order up " the things I need. I know that I am only asking for the things that my limited perspective makes me think are necessary.



I also know that He will send the solutions that REALLY fit, not the ones that I think will work.

But I guess the quote above is really about asking for the strength, the courage, and the wherewithall to carry on, no matter what happens. - to carry on, knowing that I am actually being carried on His Shoulders-.

Yeah, I like that image- just like the "footprints in the sand" poem. Knowing that I'm not alone- that the Coach is with me, while I'm carrying out my part of the plan- makes a whole world of difference.

So, it's not the time for arguments; It's the time for faith, for trust, and for the courage to carry on, even when things are tough, knowing that I'm not alone- never alone- and that bottom line, my soul is safe within my Higher Power's Hands.

The Masterpiece of Our Lives

From 24 Hours a Day, Oct. 28: "I pray that I may not ask to see the distant scene. I pray that one step may be enough for me".


Essentially, the question here, is whether or not I trust that G-d is taking care of me. If I truly believe that He is watching over me, planning out my life in the way that is best for me, even if this involves challenges and struggles, then it's enough to live in the now. I have no need to worry about the future. I don't have to anticipate what is coming next, nor to stress about it. I can feel safe, no matter what, because I am like a baby in its mother's arms, not having to worry about the next meal. I do not have to ask 'what's next?" , but can take my time -right here, right now, in the very step I am taking and in the middle of. This doesn't mean that I can't plan for the future, but that I don't need to worry about it. Planning helps me to prepare that next step, but worrying trips me up before I even take it.

A famous example is the tapestry. On the back, it looks like a mess, with knots and clumps. But on the front, there may be a masterpiece- a magnificent picture. That's what our lives are like. To us, it often seems a mess- with stops and starts, with all sorts of knots and bungles. But to G-d, Who sees the true masterpiece of our lives, all of these little bits make up the complete picture of who and what we are meant to be, and will eventually become; all the little parts that make up the whole; When our lives are done, and we are in our final "home"- right next to G-d, then we will be able to look back and see the why's and wherefores of our lives- the purpose and reason for all our difficult challenges, and the whole picture. No longer will we question the challenges we faced, and why we had to go through them. In fact, we will be grateful for the things that made us who we were.

That is the trust, the faith- That there IS a magnificent picture and an Artist Who is designing it all. Only a fool would look at the back and question the purpose of all that mess.
So, back to the beginning. I hope that I'm not a fool. No point is worrying about the future, or wanting or needing to know it all before it happens, so as to allay my fears about it. With this faith, this trust, I can live in the now, and trust that Hashem, my Higher Power, is guiding me and watching me, one step at a time.

Phone Calls To My Higher Power

From 24 Hours a Day, Oct. 19 :"I pray that I may trust G-d to answer my prayer as He sees fit. I pray that I may be content with whatever form that answer may take ".

There are three points here: The first is whether G-d hears me, the second is whether He answers me, and the third is whether I can accept whatever that answer is. The first two are up to Him, and the third is up to me. "karov Hashem lechol Korav, lechol asher yikrauhu b'emes". Well, I know that He is always near me when I call. The problem is on my end. D'you know what it's like when you call someone on the phone and you're not sure the call goes through? "Hello? Hello?" I know that I'm calling them, I know that I'm talking, but I can't hear anything on the other end. Sometimes I find out when I try a second time that they heard me perfectly, but I couldn't hear their response to me. It's a good idea not to curse loudly at the phone company when this happens, because the other person might actually be hearing every word. (Believe me, this HAS happened).So, in this case, it's a given that the "phone" line is actually working and G-d can hear every word that I say, especially in prayer to Him.
Next point, - how can I tell that He is answering my prayers if things aren't happening exactly the way I would like them to? A good point to make here, is that this world is not like a shopping list. G-d isn't "up there" to fulfill all my wishes, like some sort of Genie. It's not about what I want, or about what I think should happen. He has a plan for the world that might be totally opposite to the way I want things to be. So, my prayers aren't going to be answered my way, most of the time. That's why the best way for me to pray would probably be - to pray that He give me insight, that He give me help, that He help me understand myself and my life better, that He guide me in the right ways and to do His will. It's not about my shopping list, remember? I have enough proofs already in my life that He helps in the hard times and especially helps me to get through them.
The third point was sort of covered in the last one. Can I be content the way things work out, even if they don't work out my way? If I truly understand and accept that His plan is meant for my ultimate best, that the way things work out are the way they were meant to, and that in the long run it is all for my soul's benefit, then I can be satisfied and trust that He is running the world exactly as it should be run, and that His answers to my prayers are good, even when it's not so obvious to me, because my wishes weren't carried out to my specifications.
I guess it's all about trust and faith- G-d plan, G-d's timing, G-d's way, not mine. Good thing, because I mess up a good percentage of the time. And He's got it all figured out- just as it should be.

Choices and Actions

From Easy Does It, Oct. 12 :" We all have a choice between widely separated alternatives. We can like ourselves, or hate ourselves. We can lift ourselves up or put ourselves down. We can be for ourselves or against ourselves. Actions, attitudes and thinking determine the direction of our choices".

I like this quote a lot. It reminds me that I am not just a victim of circumstances; that I can decide what my life will be like. There was a time when I was more comfortable just wallowing in the complaints and negatives- when it was easier just to take it all, and use it as an excuse for my behavior.
These days, though, I like having the understanding that there is a lot that is up to me. I can take the same lemons and make lemonade out of them, instead of complaining about their bitterness. I can make good out of the bad, or rather, I can see the good in every situation, instead of viewing it as "all bad".
Every thing that happens in my life is there for a reason. Everything is there to challenge me to grow- to develop, to learn, to help others. There is no "bad", persay, when I can recognize that my Higher Power put it there for me- for some reason- some purpose, and that ultimately, He only has my good in mind- my best in mind. What's there is there in order to enhance my soul and achieve its purpose in this world.
That's a far cry from kvetching and complaining, and just wallowing in the pity pot of "poor me".
Ahh. So what can I do with all of this today? I can look at things differently, I can have a positive attitude (even an 'attitude of gratitude'), and I can choose the right path and good decisions and actions.
Just thinking in this way gives me the "oomph", the "push" to get going and get doing. Sounds like a plan- a good one, in fact.
".

Awe and Gladness

From 24 Hours a Day, Sept. 23 : " When you are faced with a problem beyond your strength, you must turn to G-d by an act of faith... Not only the power to face trials, but also the comfort and joy of G-d's nearness and companionship are yours for the asking."

Lately I've been hearing from people who want proof of G-d's existence and G-d's caring. I told them that the proof will only reach to a point, but after that, you will need to take a leap of faith. At some stage you will have to dip deep inside of your heart and ask yourself what you feel, what you believe, and then just "go" with it. That is the faith, and it can bring both power and comfort and joy. In the book "A Sanctuary in My Heart", it says that it would be a good idea for us to realize that there is only one true Friend, one Companion, that we will have with us throughout our life's journey, both in this world and the next. This is G-d. So it's a good idea to get acquainted and make G-d our buddy. He is the only one who will never leave us; family members and friends die, or may go off in their own direction.

I am thinking of this as we draw near to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Although I do approach the day with some trepidation and with awe, I also realize that Hashem, G-d, is both my loving Father, as well as the Judge Who has the power to forgive me for my failures and sins. He wants my best, and even though year after year, I may confess to the same sins, He still keeps taking me back and believing that I can make changes. To me, it often seems like I haven't budged, and am still promising to fix the same things that I keep promising to do every year. But, the truth is , He is a Judge with a very fine "eye" and can actually see the sometimes minuscule progress that I have made. He can see into my heart and ascertain that I really DO want to be better; that I really DO want to grow.

A human judge might just see the overview, and say "yeah, I've heard THAT one before". But G-d has ultimate patience and kindness and makes room for the one who really desires to change.
This is good. This is the comfort that we can take in being close to G-d, in believing and in trusting that as our Loving Father, He will accept our meager efforts, slow as they might be, to improve ourselves and to grow and change along with, and FROM, the challenges we face, day by day. In fact, that's just the point in sending us challenges in our lives: they help us to grow. Just like the hurdle jumper, who begins jumping over small hurdles, and soon builds us the muscle power to easily jump the many larger hurdles, we too, grow and get stronger from working through the challenges we face.
So, yes, it's the day of AWE, and I am filled with AWE, as I contemplate standing before my Maker, my Judge, but most importantly, I remember that He is also my Loving Father, Who truly wants whats best for me.

It's Okay

Sept. 22: From the Big Book of AA, pg.521: “I finally have the freedom of believing that it’s all right not to know”.

I like this line, which is the last line in one of the stories.
It’s all right not to know, not to have all the answers; not to be the great solution-maker. It’s all right not to be able to solve everything, and to be able to step back and say: “Hashem will take care of this, I’ve done whatever I can”. To some people, this may seem scary, but actually it is quite freeing to be able to say :”I don’t have to know ; I don’t have to solve”; to be able to let go of this great pressure to always perform, know, be successful. It’s all right to say “I can’t, but Hashem can.” It’s okay to just let down my guard and relax, not trying to fake something I don’t really have, or can’t really do.

My old sponsor used to say: “You’re okay, it’s okay”. This is the soothing that I probably looked for in addictive behaviors and substances; the soothing to feel okay, to calm down the inner turmoil and loneliness. It’s like a father holding a little child in his arms and saying: “it’s okay, you’re okay. Daddy’s here and things will be good”. That what we have in our 12 step program with our Higher Power- holding us and saying: “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of things. I’ll take care of you. Things will be okay, don’t worry anymore”.
Yeah, I like that, I really really do.

A Critical Point

" I release the "shoulds" and judgments of my inner critic"....I was reading in a 12 step book (called "Step by Step) about the "inner parent- critic", how it's formed, and how, although it's meant to guide us, it can often restrict us unneccesarily.

This got me thinking: Are the inner parent and inner critic the same, or different from each other? Well, I believe they are both quite different from the "yetzer Hatov", which is the good inclination. The yetzer Hatov is here to guide and direct us; the inner parent can often be way too critical and judgmental.

How can I listen to its (inner parent) good messages without getting too caught up in the negative part? How can I hear the positive part without buying into the rest?

I think the first way is by becoming aware that these messages are amost being "spoken" to me; they are not facts or givens, but rather, are pieces of "advice" offered, often automatically, by some inner part of me, who learned about the "proper way" from somewhere- be it from my own parents, teachers, or some place long forgotten.

I always get the chance and also the choice, to listen to, or else, to ignore, this advice. If I stop long enough to get off of auto pilot and weigh the message, then I can choose either to follow it or not, to buy into it, or not.

When it comes to the Yetzer Hatov, I think it's mostly good- this is the positive part of my soul, that really does set me straight.

That's different from the inner parent , who wants what IT thinks is good for me. But because it's sometimes "off" on what it thinks might be best, it can push me around in order to get that "best" thing accomplished. All of the "shoulds" and demands of this critic-parent can get me to do things that aren't always in my best interests, and can make me feel pretty lousy about myself in the process (and also afterwards).

(Now, the yetzer harah, the bad inclination , on the other hand, is almost always out to steer me wrong, sometimes trying to get me to believe that its advice is in my best interests, but that's a whole different story, and maybe for another post sometime in the future.)

So how can I catch these messages before I jump and follow them? Just like the kid who's about to cross a busy street- I need to "stop, look, and listen" more often and more carefully. This keeps me safer and whole. No need to walk out in front of a truck. Listening to the wrong messages and following their advice isn't much different than that. Good image, and well worth remembering , that's for sure!